Why do we hold onto things that are unhealthy for us?

After what was almost a year of a rough break up, it's say to safe I have become an expert in heart ache. And it's not a good field to be an expert in.

Without sounding like a whiney teen, break ups are and always will be hard - no matter the situation.

A recent debate I have been having with myself is whether or not falling out of love is as easy as falling in it. After what seemed like hours of twiddling my thumbs I decided to stop convincing myself that falling out of love happens. What does happen, however, is how we cope to adapting to our lives when that certain someone that was always present is now absent.

I used to never believe in love. More importantly, I could never see the point in it. It was only for fools. Until I became one myself.

First of all I want to congratulate my ex for ever dating a head case like me. I am difficult person to love and that's a fact. I believe most hormonal 17 year old girls are. But this wasn't like any other teenage relationship I've personally come into contact with. He was my second ever boyfriend and we were horrible for each other for a number of reasons. The most evident two being we were much too alike and stubborn and that we were both in different stages of our lives. And we were so incredibly young.

But I couldn't tell you enough how painfully long it took me to recognise this. And even once I had, I continued to convince myself that we would work out soon.

Ladies, if your relationship hasn't worked out for the fifth time, I guarantee you it probably never will. Don't take me for a pessimist here but after months of tears and tantrums I could honestly bet my life on this.

It took me a really REALLY long time to pull myself from this relationship. And there were times that even once I had, I found myself travelling back to it - late night phone calls, surprise night visits, after school dates etc. But now, I ask you all and I ask myself, why we are SO intent on hurting ourselves for the ones we supposedly love.

Love yourself more. Ofcourse there are times where I still find myself hoping the private number calling is him and I still catch myself hoping he'll be standing at my bus stop but I have decided to put myself first. It is okay to care but care for yourself more. You'll always be there, your dysfunctional relationship that is only right now won't.

- L